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Laughable lines from learners in training sessions

Those amazing one-liners from learners! Read 'em and weep...

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The Dog My Homework

 

I've been a trainer for the best part of 25 years. I'm STILL amazed by the lines some learners come out with in the training room, thinking me and my colleagues haven't heard them before. Can you relate to any of these humdingers?!

A delegate barges into the training room for the first time, no introduction, the session hasn't even started yet and asks: "What time do we finish?"

A small clique of learners sat disgruntled since 9am. YOU know you're starting at 9:30am. Their MANAGER knows the session starts at 9:30am (he/she had an email confirming "kick off " weeks ago). You announce: "We'll get underway at 9:30am folks." Only to hear: "Well, WE were told it started at 9 o'clock!"

Following Workshop 1, you set the group a task to submit and complete before the second session. It's now Day 2 and one of the learners approaches you prior to starting and says: "Did you manage to take a look at my work that I emailed at 11.59pm last night?"

"Morning everyone! Before we start, can I just check that you've all printed off the workbook I sent you ten days ago via email?" Reply from at least four people: "I didn't get your email!"

"Hi, hello! It's Adrian is it? You're the trainer? Yes? OK! Hmmm...would you mind if I kept my mobile phone on because, I'm SO full of my own self-importance, I'm waiting for a VERY important call and, if I don't answer it, planet Earth will implode...?"

Slightly embarrassed, half-in-half-out-of-the-doorway: "Excuse me? Is this the session on Sexually Transmitted Infections?!"

"My Manager sent me."

"Can I have the window open* closed* air conditioning on* air conditioning off* radiator on* radiator off* blinds up* blinds down*?" <delete as applicable!!>

Thanks for completing this evaluation form. What's the biggest learning point you'll take away from this training session today? "The sandwiches were rank!"

Ade.

http://www.develop-meant.com

 

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06th Jun 2017 14:19

Ade, I think I've heard most of these. What is it with air con? No-one is every happy. Here's a few of mine:

Me: "There's no such thing as a stupid question..."
Learner: "Erm, how much do false teeth cost?"
(we were NOT doing anything at all to do with dentistry)

When I worked for an insurance company we had a gentleman join our induction early one Monday morning. When we broke for lunch (after we'd done company overview etc.) he sidled up to me and asked sheepishly "Is this not the NHS then?" Turns out he was a doctor who was meant to be starting at the NHS Direct call centre down the road from us.

Me - Day 1: "If there's ANYTHING at all you're not happy with, give me feedback and that way I can make sure you get the best possible experience"
Feedback (at the very end of the course): "I much prefer the other trainer we had, he didn't use a timer that went 'ding'... this was very annoying"

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14th Jun 2017 14:51

Best we ever saw was after conducting a training session at the employees' place of work, on one of the end-of-session feedback sheets, when asked about whether the venue was easy to find - had answered 'No'- (they had worked there for over 2 years!)

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