This month's coaching conundrum is about how to deal with a client who likes to spend their entire session moaning. Paul Z Jackson and Janine Waldman advise.
Clients often arrive for coaching aware that it’s an opportunity for them to share their issues. Some clients take this as an invitation to complain bitterly and at length. Whilst it may be cathartic for them to do so, spending the entire session moaning is unlikely to help them make progress. So how do we as coaches shift the conversation from a stagnant moan about what’s not working to more constructive territory about what can be done? And how do we do this in a way that leaves the client feeling that they have been heard and are ready to move on?
Katie is a training manager with a large manufacturing company.
Coach: Katie, what would you like to focus on today?
Katie: I’m really fed up. I’ve been planning our leadership development programme for the past six months. I had the backing of the senior team, and they made a lot of input into the content of the programme. All the presenters are lined up, the rooms booked – it’s an excellent programme. And then, last week, just before the programme started, nine of the 16 who were meant to be there said they couldn’t attend. Said they had urgent business to deal with. I’ve had to cancel the programme. I’m devastated. All that work for nothing.
Coach: That sounds terribly frustrating.
Katie: Yes it is. Have you any idea how much time and effort my team have put into this, and it’s not the first time this has happened, they just don’t care, don’t take us seriously. What a bunch of... I’m not sure I can stand much more of this.
One temptation here might be to try to make Katie feel better:
Coach: Well it doesn’t sound too bad, at least you had seven people who were still coming along.
Katie: What do you mean it’s not that bad? Do you know how hard I worked on this programme? Every day for the past six months.
Katie does not want her difficulties minimised. Nor would it be appropriate for the coach to do what many of us might do during a conventional conversation – offer a solution along the lines of, ‘what you should do is….’. A more solutions-focused approach may be to compliment the client.
Coach: This does sound like a tough situation for you. It strikes me that you have a lot of knowledge and experience when it comes to leadership development.
Katie: Yes, I do, that’s part of the reason they hired me.
Coach: And that somehow you got the backing of the senior team for the programme, I’m guessing you put a good case forward to them?
Katie: I suppose I did, it’s the first time they’ve agreed to go ahead with such an ambitious programme.
By finding clues within Katie’s rant, the coach can affirm Katie’s skills and resources. When she feels more in touch with her resources, she may be ready for a more constructive conversation. Another option is to find out what Katie wants.
Coach: That sounds like a tough situation, so you don’t want this to happen again?
Katie: No I don’t, it’s soul destroying, all that work for nothing.
Coach: So, what would you like instead?
Katie: Well, I’d like people to attend the programmes. Or at the very least give me more notice if they can’t make it, then I can find replacements.
Coach: So it would be useful for us to have a conversation about how you might achieve this.
Again, we have rejoined a constructive track, with a client willing to work on something useful. What ways work well for you in harnessing the energy of moans, complaints and rants into more positive channels?
As a coach, how often have you faced a difficult situation with a client when there appeared to be no way forward - or a choice of ways without it being clear which would be best?
Paul Z Jackson and Janine Waldman of The Solutions Focus share with us those moments when a coach has a tough choice of what to say or do during a session - and they offer some ideas for resolving the situation.
"Our view of what's useful reflects our own approach, which is to take a 'solutions focus'. This is a pragmatic and minimal approach which unearths what a client wants, what resources they have available and then encourages them to take small steps in the desired direction," say Paul and Janine.
"Of course, we can't say for sure which approach or particular choice would be best in any given conundrum but we hope the advice offered will help coaches think about how they would respond in a similar situation. We also hope that this will stimulate debate amongst the coaching community, so if you want to suggest a different way of handling the given challenge, please add your comments."
While each Coaching Conundrum is based on a real case, we will preserve the anonymity of all clients and their organisations.
If you’d like a live Coaching Conundrums event to develop the coaching skills in your organisation or team - including dramatised coaching sessions - please call Janine on 01727 840 340 or email [email protected]
To read the last coaching conundrums click on these titles:
What to do when your client is late for telephone-coaching sessions
What to do when your client is not willing to make progress?
What to do when your client is feeling defeated by the recession
What to do when you think your client is not telling you the truth?
What to do when a client proposes action that you think won't help?
What to do with a client who is unhappy at being sent for coaching?
Develop your solutions-focused coaching skills further by attending our open coaching course on 14-15 September. You can find out more on our website, by emailing us at [email protected], or calling us on 01727 840 340.
